Music Making Enthusiast.
I remember you and I. Us. Sitting in my car under the neon lights. I asked you a question. I was laughing when I asked you, I don’t even know where it came from. I guess from the back of my mind. I guess I was meant to ask you one way or another. You said yes. I thought you were trying to be funny. I asked you again. Still yes. The smiled faded from my mouth. So, then I asked you again and again and again and again. Over and over and over, each time hoping the next time I asked you the answer would change. It never did. It was always yes. Every yes was like another blow to my stomach. Another fist to my cheek. Another knife to my skin.
You had kissed her on the lips. Your lips, the lips I had loved for so long, had kissed the lips of her. One of my best friends, one of the people I trusted the most. In a drunken daze you had leaned over and kissed her. On your birthday. I’m sure she kissed you back, cause why not. Really. Who cares about anybody else anymore. Whats friendship when you have a couple of drinks in you.
I remember I just sat there in the driver’s seat and I closed my eyes. I couldn’t open them again even if I tried. After a couple seconds I couldn’t hear you trying to explain anymore. As the sound of your voice was fading, I remember looking deep into the darkness and wishing I could be anywhere else in the world in that moment, wishing I could run deep into that darkness. away from you. away from everything. I wanted to disappear. I wanted you to disappear. I wanted to open my eyes and be in my bed, like it was all just a bad dream.
Whenever I start to miss you, I close my eyes and remember that moment. That feeling.
It makes me not miss you anymore.
You’ve taken a lot away from me, but I will never let you take away my ability to love another human being. As hard as it is to imagine putting myself in that position again, I know that he will not be you. And she will never be me, and I feel sorry for you.
today I made a decision that could potentially change the rest of my life.
for once I don’t feel scared about it.